I was at a dinner last week with 18 others and I watched as they entered the room and started mingling amongst themselves. It was obvious to me that some of the diners had some history with one another and others were meeting for the first time. I watched from afar as two individuals gracefully moved about the room with some timing and social ease. I watched as the vast majority stayed within their own comfort zones and failed to properly socialize. For context, the dinner was part business, part politics and part social. It got me thinking about the proper way one should act in these quasi-political settings. Food for thought.
Let’s get to the punchline first. I came away with this unmistakable impression and feeling that smart politicians (and smart people) move in political and social circles and in life with some intelligence and some ability to exhibit some social grace and manners. However, I also concluded that many of us lack that natural skill set and need to practice and force ourselves in the uncomfortable spot of pretending you like the socializing amongst others. In sum, these events should find the participants moving about like synchronized swimmers. Like many things in my life, I don’t know why this imagery and comparison made its way to my frontal lobe, but it did and here we are.
I don’t pretend to know too much about synchronization of swimmers—Synchronized swimming was first recorded in 1891 in Berlin Germany. This activity was originally known as water ballet. By 1934, we saw the first official national championship of synchronized swimming which took place in Montreal, Canada. The actual term synchronized swimming was developed by Norman Ross, a former Olympic gold medalist in 1933/1934. The sport was first seen in the Olympics in 1952 and was fully recognized in 1984. I am not an authority on this sport, but marvel at the amazing skill set demonstrated by these athletes. To excel, you need endurance, flexibility, strength, timing, and exquisite coordination of others. Time for transition.
As many of us know, under the best of circumstances, conversing in today’s political environment is not easy, and given the political polarization of today, discussions with one another don’t get any easier. We need to think carefully about what we talk about and how we dance around certain issues. And that dynamic further complicates the mode and way some of us introverts attempt to assimilate in and around the natural contours in a political setting. But having said that, we now more than ever need to push ourselves and stretch our comfort zones as we reach out and talk, mingle and socialize with one another and do it with some thought, patience, discipline, and discretion. I confess that this isn’t easy and in our Peter Brady moment, when you are nervous and can’t move about the room, think synchronized swimming and the fear will evaporate. I’m hoping a certain county official in Passaic County is taking note.
As I quietly walked away from that dinner prior to the chicken remolade landing on my now empty place setting, I gave some thought to table manners at a social/political dinner. I concluded that those who succeed in this world do so because they observe a few rules of the road:
-Be the first to start polite and benign conversations with all attendees.
-Don’t immediately gravitate toward familiar faces.
-An introductory greeting should be the order of the day and don’t rage about politics in the extreme and try and avoid hardcore political commentary.
-Move about the room and introduce yourself to everyone and move along efficiently.
-Don’t feel compelled to regurgitate political talking points of the last election night.
-Be prepared to talk about topical neutral issues – sports and entertainment, a new book or travel come to mind.
-Don’t brag about your latest purchases or year-end bonus.
-Take a breath and ask the individuals about themselves and their families .
-Take some interest in the stories of others.
-Be social, but don’t get annihilated by drinking too much.
-Follow up the next day with thank you texts, emails or notes.
Fairly simple stuff and don’t let the anxiety or emotion of the moment overwhelm or derail the evening.
If we can manage to keep our social grace in step with the mastery of synchronized swimmers, I think that this world of ours has a real opportunity to excel.
