DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my mother passed away some years ago, my brother and his wife placed a stuffed black cat toy in her casket. My mother had owned several black cats.
Months later, I was opening a Christmas gift from my brother. It turned out to be a stuffed black cat. He said, “Do you know where that came from?” Of course I knew! My mouth dropped open.
Miss Manners, was this absolutely the worst Christmas gift ever, or am I missing something? I don’t understand how anyone could gift something that had been in a casket. Am I overly sensitive?
GENTLE READER: Back up. Miss Manners needs some clarification on the mechanics of this.
She is presuming that the casket was not closed at the visitation, and that your brother and his wife grabbed the cat before it became so? Please do not tell her that they dug up a grave.
Of course, neither scenario is appealing, and it is not surprising that anyone would be sensitive about it, to say the least. No one would blame you if you hid the toy cat in the back of a closet, never to be seen again.
Miss Manners only asks that you resist the temptation to pass it back to them at the next holiday, playing a twisted game of “not it” by way of revenge.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
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